I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is Oprah even human
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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