If i could tip my vagina, i would.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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