Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your penis caused this!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
