Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
