I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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