I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
