you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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