Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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