I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
