If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
