I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
