She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
