Pappa wants mamma naked
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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