At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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