well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
