Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
