You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
