all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
