booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
