went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
