ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
