i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
