omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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