btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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