I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
