I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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