I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
