You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
