ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The struggles of a small town man whore
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
