the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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