I'm lost and stupid without you.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
