What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
