If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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