we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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