did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
how does that bad decision feel?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
