Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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