Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my phone needs a breathalizer
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
