she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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