apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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