My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
