she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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