My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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