My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
