I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
