is your mom at the bar?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
