I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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