I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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