So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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