and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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