Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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