He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
